Sometimes I look at myself in amazement and wonder how I do what I do. How do I create things that work. I created something wonderful and I am getting successful and it scares me. I have people coming at me from every direction that want to be my friend. And the weird thing is that men have approached me and written me poems and sent me emails that they want to date me. It is very weird because these men are so gorgeous and hot and i wonder to myself what hell are they seeing in me. I calculate everyday what could it be that why is this Huge guy that can have any women he wants wants to be with me. I dont look no way near these girls in the bodybuilding and fitness business. but then I ask myself .. is it because they think I can help them get ahead. i hate to think that way but its true. What could they possibly see in me? whats the draw? What is it about me that men see now that they never saw before? When i go out to the store to get bread or milk i always get these strange looks from people and it scares me. What are these people looking at? It frightens me to death and i dont know how to handle it. I feel like I lost a piece of my freedom when I started this radio show. Im not saying that strangers know me like a star, not at all. but the fear and the paranoia to have people approach you for things other than your regular job or your family... Is weird to me. I know i promoted myself and I made sure the right people knew me in bodybuilding. I have never been treated so well in my life. Ever since I met these people (Bodybuilding community)I have been in a different place in my life in a good way. I am very weary now of people and I don't want to be hurt by anyone because it would devastate me. I am afraid of this thing I created might get big and i cant handle it. Maybe i am paranoid.. Or am I?
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